I was reading Pioneer Woman the other day and she had an entry about whether or not your life turned out like you thought it would, like you had planned for it to turn out.
She asks:
How similar is your life now to how you imagined it ten years ago? Twenty years ago? Are you exactly where you imagined you’d be? Or are you constantly asking yourself, “How did I get here?” Do you mourn the unrealized plans in your life? Or are you happy no matter what your circumstances?
Some of the responses she got were about how happy people were with where their life was, but a lot of them were really, really sad. They were people talking about how miserable their life was, or about how their kid was in the hospital with a terminal disease, or about how they had made a lot of mistakes along the way, and so on.
I have been thinking about where my life is a lot lately. This post on Pioneer Woman made me contemplate even further. I can honestly say that I absolutely adore my life. It is hardly what I thought it would be in some ways, and exactly what everyone hopes for in other ways. Some days are pretty darn hard. Other days are so happy, how can I even complain about the ones that aren’t?
Am I where I thought I would be 10 years ago? Not even close. But would I trade it for what I naively thought that I wanted? Not a chance.
Let’s start with 10 years ago…I had just finished my freshman year in college (Holy crap!!! That was 10 years ago?!?!). I had just started dating someone who was a year older and had completely different friends than did I. The relationship was doomed from the start, but we generally enjoyed each other’s company. I was serious about school. I couldn’t lose my scholarship; that would have spelled disaster for my college plans. Heck, I could barely get enough financial aid to stay in school. I sure wasn’t going to jeopardize it any further by not having good enough grades to keep the free money I was getting. I was working like a dog to afford life. And I was having a blast. I had a ton of friends, almost all of which had the same beliefs that I did and liked to have fun the way that I did.
I had HUGE dreams. I was going somewhere. (That meant, somewhere outside of Abilene.) I was going to succeed professionally; I was going to make a difference in the world; I was on a career-minded mission. I guess somewhere in there I was going to eventually find a relationship that wasn’t doomed from the start. I had zero plans for children.
I still have huge dreams. It’s just that now they are totally different than they were back then. My focus has gradually changed. I want a fulfilling job that allows me to be with my family as much as possible. Right now, it’s just Mike and me, but we hope to eventually have kids. I want to be able to focus on that aspect of my life as much as possible. I can’t imagine working in a high-powered position that didn’t allow me to go home at the end of my day and leave my job at work. Sometimes it is really hard for me to accept that I am in a job that is not satisfying and not at all prestigious. In fact, a monkey could do my job. Seriously. But the thought of trading that to go back to my high-stress health care job, where I honestly felt like I was making a difference, makes me cringe.
Do I mourn this change of plans? Absolutely not. While I may have a job that I find less than satisfactory, I still have a job. A job that allows me to go home to the teeny tiny house that I am madly in love with and is the product of our hard work. I love that I love to come home to my husband, dogs, and home. Does that make me a “desperate housewife”???? I guess so. And I'm okay with that.
5 comments:
It is great that you are so happy in your life, because as you said, many people aren't. It usually takes those eye-opener e-mails or to hear about somoene else's misfortune to put my life back in to prospective sometimes, but I am finding out that being a desperate housewife isn't so bad! I will be one with you girl!
I am nowhere near where I thought I would be in some areas and I have exceeded my plans in other areas. I just try to remember that no matter what plans I had or have for myself there is only one plan that matters and actually works. Gods. Sometimes that is a harder pill to swallow than we like, but that's the way it is. I just try to focus on the good things.
I totally understand where you are. It's amazing to see how things happen when we let God give us what we need instead of planning it for ourselves. He knows what we truly want deep in our hearts, even if we haven't figured it out yet. This world provides so many pre-conceived ideas of what it takes to be happy, but only God know how to make it happen. Sometimes it just a little tougher than we realized it was going to be.
It is good to see you back on the blog trail and the trail of life. God will take care of all of us as long as we ask him too. By the way, you need to catch up on blogging. Since I have been back it is landslide.
Nope. Not a D.Hw. Perfect and lovely. I love reading this. I love the honesty. I envy it all. You have it all. I am so happy for you. And I love your little house. That you own. That has really great furniture. And lovely beds. I like your blog because you have something to say.
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